Reprezentativ

THE ROSE 14

islamic-womenMadam Rose  , trebuie sa facem o escala pentru realimentare , ma trezeste din motaiala placuta ,comandantul avionului C-27J Spartan , care ne duce ,pe echipa mea si copii salvati din Somalia., la baza din Malta

– Ok ,captain .

– Doriti in D …  sau Afganistan?

Inima incepe sa imi bata nebuneste .  In D…  este el . Ah si  stiu ca nu are zbor . Vreau sa aflu daca e asa cum mi –l inchipuiam, vreau sa vad cum ma privestie cand se oglindeste in ochii mei, sa stiu daca ma va traversa un fior de emotie atunci cand ii voi rosti numele….ahhhh dar nu este singur stiu ca are in vizita pe fetele lui ….. Vreau sa simt ca traiesc cu intensitate emotia asta , si al vedea pentru prima data este  cea mai elocventa metoda de a o face. Cu bune si cu rele cu riscuri mari .Nu are  cum sa ma dezamagesca atata timp cat nu astept nimic de la el ,  atita timp cit nu ii cer nimic ci doar doresc sa ii ofer …cea ce am eu mai sfint ,mai pur ,mai sublim…dragostea pentru el .

– In D… ! ii raspund capitanului ,cu vocea gatuita de emotie.

– Roger madam ! Aterizam in D…  in 7 min . Escala va fi de 45 min .

Il privesc pe JT care se afla la capatul celalalt al avionului  .  O auzit comanda mea . Se apropie de mine si- mi zambeste .

Ma fastacesc ca o copila si il intreb

– Si cum il gasesc cind nici nu stiu unde locuieste ? Si chiar daca stiu unde sta ,daca nu e acasa? Cum il gasesc in oarsul acesta mare Cum ajung pina la el? Off cum ?

– Il vom gasi ,Madam! Imi spune JT luindu-mi mainiile intrale lui . Apoi se ridica de linga mine si a inceput sa vorbeasca la telefon.

Gura mi se usuca , mainiile imi tremura , si dintr-o data mi se face al naibii de cald . Privesc prin  hubloul mic al avionului si vad cum orasul lui se apropie din ce in ce mai mult pina simt cum rotiile avionul ating pista aeroportului .  Cobor din avion si pasesc pe pamant .Off este acelasi pamant pe care paseste el. Respir acelasi aer pe care il respira el .

JT vorbeste la telefon de 5 minute si fara sa intrerupa convorbirea imi spune sa ii scriu un sms scurt cu ce doresc eu . Degetele imi tremura scriind un ‘ Te iubesc !  ‘ In urmatoarele secunde telefonul imi suna cu un mesaj de la el “Si eu te iubesc “ .

– L-am gasit , Madam ! avem 35 minute la dispozitie . Sa ne grabim!

Il urmez pina la un jeep  alb care ne asteapta . Urc in spate si JT linga sofer dandu-i instructiuni in limba araba . Iesim din aeroport si gonim pe o autostrada . Tremur al naibii de tare desi afara sunt peste 35 de grade .

Dupa nici 10 min ne oprim intr-o parcare . Palmieri  , gazon verde , si nu departe se vede marea , plaja ,oameni . JT coboara din masina si se indreapta spre o alta masina care ne asteptase. Se intoarce dupa 3 minute imbracat cu o Kandura alba , tinand ceva in mana . Imi deschide portiera si-mi da o Abaya neagra lunga si o  esarfa neagra Sheila si- mi spune sa ma imbrac cu ele . Le trag grabita peste tricoul si pantalonii prafuiti de uniforma militara , imi infasor esarfa pe cap. JT ma priveste de sus pina jos imi zambeste si-mi spune sa il urmez .

Se opreste si-mi spune indreptandu-si privirea  spre plaja spre un grup de oameni

– Aveti 10 minute ! Nu ne putem apropia mai mult de atit , se retrage citiva metri lasandu-ma singura.

Imi indrept privirea flaminda spre locul indicat de JT . Ohhh uitel!!! Este in fata mea. L-am recunoscut imediat ! La cativa zeci de  metri distanta. Pot sa –l privesc nestingherita. Si sa-l  ascult….vorbeste cu una din fetele lui ……desi este la o departare considerabila………. desi cuvintele pe care le spune  sunt  doar niste ecouri, parca de undeva de departe. Doar timbrul vocal imi atinge sufletul….ii stiu vocea de la telefon………… Inchid ochii o clipa si simt cum vocea lui se apropie lent si ma imbratiseaza cu tandrete iar emotia puternica pe care mi-o transmite imi curge de-a dreptul prin vene. Fiecare inflexiune a vocii lui ma infioara………

Il mangai, cu privirea, tamplele de care mi-e asa de dor. Ochii mei flamanzi se plimba incetisor pe fiecare cuta a fruntii lui aluneca lent pe linia gatului, in jos, spre umeri, coborand spre mainile cu degetele-i fine pe care, dintr-o data, parca le simt atingandu-mi obrajii. Tresar o clipa, trezindu-ma din visare, straduindu-ma sa revin la realitate. Dar prezenta lui ma adanceste pana in strafundurile simtirii si simt cum cad dar n-am nici un gand de oprire. Ma scufund, cu buna stiinta, in abisurile fiintei, si tot ce-i in jur dispare, si el e acolo doar pentru mine….lacrimile curg siroaie pe obrazul uscat si sunt neputincioasa sa ma opun….

Si se duce-n mine o lupta cumplita. Si-as vrea sa fug, as vrea sa plang, sa-mi plang durerea de al avea atat de aproape si de a nu il putea nici macar strange in brate, asa cum sufletul meu tainic tanjeste. Dar si zambesc, cu sufletul, cu fiecare particica a corpului, desi cumintica si tacuta stau la locul meu, ca prezenta mea sa nu-i fie  simtita……ahhh e  nelinistit…si pentru o clipa privirea lui se indreapta spre locul unde ma aflu……………tresar si imi infasor earfa mai mult pe cap ……….. Si zambesc pentru ca e langa mine  …….atit de aproape….   Si-as vrea si sa fug si-as vrea si ca timpul sa se opreasca. Si o vesnicie sa il am  in fata ochilor … ……Da, e o fericire amara… dar cata nevoie am si de asta! Macar de asta. Trista consolare pentru sufletul meu secat de viata. Si zambesc, ca o toanta, zambesc. Ca nu pot face altfel. E langa mine, si ma imbat cu fericirea asta – surogat, dar ce mai conteaza ca nu pot, asa cum doresc, sa-mi imbat simturile in mirosul lui pe care mi-l inchipui de atitea ori, si-as putea alerga in bratele lui  si sa ma las in caldura  sigurantei pe care mi-o ofera…….la naiba cu lacrimile astea…le sterg nervoasa….oftez si soptesc ca…. Te iubesc! mult!…..sperand ca vantul sa ii duca soaptele mele….

Este asa cum l-am simtit, cum l-am imaginat cum l-am visat de mii de ori.Totul in jurul meu dispare , este doar el si eu .Imi vine sa il strig …..dar imi musc cu putere buzele . Nu imi dau seama daca este doar frenezia momentului, bucuria ca sunt atit de aproape de el ….oooof .simt aceste secunde ca sunt suspendata in timp si trebuie ….  sa fiu cu el . Chiar si asa la 50 m distanta Nu mai imi pasa de nimeni si nimic .. manfior toata si  simt ceva cu intensitate , cu emotie , Da!!! este exact barbatul pe care il asteptasem toata viata si…Ohhh Doamne nu imi vine  sa cred ca , chiar il  vad!!

– Madam Rose…its time….we must go now…imi spune JT .

Ahhhh atit de repede?Asi vrea sa mai stau ,sa il mai privesc ……dar sunt fericita si cu atita timp cit am avut sa il pot vedea …este asa cum stiam….este…cel de care m-am indragostit  doar privindu-I poza acum un an si pe care il voi iubi …o vesnicie+o zi….

– Ok,  JT ! sa mergem  ,Imi ascund lacrimile dupa ochelarii negrii, imi urc picioarele pe scaunul masini si imi cuprind genunchi intr-o imbratisare…..si zimbesc……………..L- aaaaaaam vazut!

….Avionul decoleaza si se ridica  la inaltimea de croazira . Am o stralucire ciudata in ochi si un zambet imposibil de disimulat…de la ureche la ureche……..JT ma priveste si imi zambeste din capatul celalat al avionului . Ohhh Doamne !  Stiu  ca nu e corect ,stiu ca sunt multe `dar` care vor sta intre noi , stiu ca nu va putea fi doar al meu , stiu totul dar….cu fiecare min ce trece,  fiecare zi , fiecare saptamana , il  iubesc mai mult,  mai intens mai nebuneste ,mai copilareste ,mai sufocant!

Nu căuta perfecțiunea pentru că perfecțiunea nu exista

Nu căuta perfecțiunea pentru că perfecțiunea nu exista si nu are nici un rost . Nici un interes . Ea este, cum să spun? E neutră. Așa e, neutru! Fără aromă, fără miros, fără farmec. Perfecțiunea este doar o acumulare de criterii medii. Nu prea mare, nu prea mica. Nu prea tare , nu prea slab. Nu prea alb, nu prea negru. Este opusul vieții și al artei. Pentru că intimplarile din viata , viata insasi este o arta este…. …….apare pe neașteptate, e stângace . Asta ne agită și ne entuziasmează. Asta ne aprinde. Frumusețea, emoția, adesea vine din intimplari aleatorii. Sau erori. Dar niciodată perfecțiune nu va fi o arta !

Readuceți întotdeauna viața la baza ei, foamea, setea, poezia, atenția asupra lumii și a oamenilor. Este posibil ca lumea modernă să fie un fel de companie anonimă de distrugere a forțelor noastre vitale, sub pretextul exaltării lor. Ne distruge abilitatea de a fi atenți, visători, lenti, îndrăgostiți, abilitatea de a face gesturi libere, gesturi pe care nu le înțelegem. Este posibil ca această lume modernă, pe care am făcut-o să iasă la suprafață și care ne scapă din ce în ce mai mult, să fie un fel de mașină de război impavida . Cărțile, poezia, niște muzică ne pot aduce înapoi la noi, ne pot da putere să luptăm împotriva acestei forme de împrăștiere , de bravuri seci , de fala , de superficialitate Meditație, simplitate, viață obișnuită. Asta dă putere să reziști. Cuvântul mare este acesta: rezistă!

Love is not what you think, it’s what you feel

Love is not what you think, it’s what you feel. Love is the intimate connection between two souls that allows feelings to flow from one person to the other, it’s the communication of the heart. Empathy is an integral part of a relationship because without empathy, there can be no real love. One definition of empathy is: your pain in my heart.

This is so fitting because unless we feel what our partner feels, then how can we say that we really know them — how can we be emotionally available to them and know how to comfort them or share in their joy? If your partner is not moved by your happiness or your sadness, then there is a disconnect between the two of you and love is not being put into action.

When you look at your partner and make eye contact, do they turn away or do their eyes light up because their heart immediately starts feeling yours? True love is intimacy without fear of abandonment or turning away. Love embraces all of another person, the joy and the pain, because when you love someone, you never want them to experience anything alone.

my dear

My dear
Sit down tonight, amidst all the turmoil and craziness of the world if that’s what you’re feeling, sit with a piece of paper and pen and spill out hope onto the page of what you want to do with your life. Spill out hope onto the page about what it is you want to give, what it is you want to accomplish, achieve, connect and contribute with the world or create. Write it down. Write out reasons to be grateful. Write out reasons to go achieve things. Write out things you want to make happen and start putting a plan towards that.

What would be step one, step two, step three? As you start marching along to achieve that and you fall or falter, don’t give up on yourself. Know that there’s always a new step. If you fail at one step, create a new step to get back up to the next step.

Don’t give up just because it’s challenging or struggling because your dreams are worth it and your dreams don’t care how hard it gets. Your dreams don’t care if you get frustrated. Your dreams don’t care if there’s going to be dark days. Your dreams know they are worth it and it’s time for you to believe in them again and start working towards them at full capacity.

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death

If a man will just stop and listen carefully….

If a man will just stop and listen carefully, he will realize that a woman’s body will tell him everything he needs to know. Where it likes to be stroked. Where it likes to be held. Where it likes fingertips to lightly graze. Where it likes to feel the warmth of his breath. Or the rough surface of his face. The soft feel of his tongue. The sharp sting of a pinch. And then a tug. And maybe a bite. Or even a slap. Then he will learn to read the lines of her body like the pages of a book. And when he has studied long; he will know her body

home? where is it?

still feel shaken and out of place… I still feel that I don’t belong…
Day by day, I’m more sure that home is not defined by the place you’re born in or where you spend your days and nights…
Home is somewhere else… it’s not necessarily a home, it’s not necessarily a country…
I guess home is more like a concept. It could be a soul that lays bridges right through yours, it could be a heart that warms up your frost, it could be a voice that eases your chaos, it could be a little corner somewhere secret, it could be a cozy place with some fine spirits…
Just somewhere or sometime, where all your walls are put down, all your true colors are shown and you’re absolutely , totally comfortable with that…
Your tear is seen before it falls, your sigh is heard even when it’s silenced, your cracks are felt and reached for, to be soothed, embraced and healed…
Home is something like that… And I’m starting to feel like I’m never reaching it.  

   

Most days I’m tough, holding it together, strong and solid…
But sometimes, one word, one meaningless gesture shakes my whole world, and cracks my ground…
Does this mean I’m weak? Does this mean I’m failing?!
No it means I’m vulnerable, and I have learned that weakness, strength and vulnerability are different things…
You can be strong and still on times vulnerable, it just means you’re human…
It just alerts that your powers are soon to be consumed and soon to need charge…

why i am single

Honey,

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked why I’m single, I would be filthy rich. Most of them look at me and just don’t understand. They think something must be wrong with me…In fact, it’s just the opposite. It’s really about what’s right with me. While everyone else around me was settling, making promises and finding excuses for their project partner, I was evolving. When so many men chased me for a single night, I held firm to my ideals and what I wanted. I didn’t want just a lover. I don’t need just anyone. I want and need the one.

My soul mate.

My twinflame.

My best friend.

My partner in crime.

My forever love.

Sure, I could have made the choice a long time ago and taken the best of who came along, but that’s not how I’m wired. I’m not a candle in the wind, I’m a damned wildfire. I’m not passive, soft or insecure, I’m a dreamer with passion. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I don’t want to settle down and I’d love to find my missing piece…But I won’t just accept anyone. If he’s not the one, then I’m not interested. Dating for fun and loving aimlessly is for everyone else. I want the kind of love that curls your toes when you kiss them. I crave the butterflies when you hear their voice. I need the sort of magic that makes you believe that together, you can do anything. I don’t have all the answers and sometimes, I’m a complete mess, but I’m always sure of who i am and what I want. I’m not going to accept just any old version of a fairy tale, I’m writing my own take on happily ever after. I don’t need saving nor do I need to be fixed. I’m beautiful just the way I am.

Maybe, just maybe, in this story, the damsel and hero just walk side by side into the sunset. Dreams do come true and magic is real. I’ve seen both, and if you’re the one for me, take my hand and let’s go adventure to impossible places and ride the wind. Let’s go make the kind of love that they write songs about. The night is young and our spirits are indomitable. Let’s go find our forever…one dream at a time.

It s time to let thet „love” to go away

JT , one of my best companion ..(.I lost him ..too early, few years ago ), the only one , in who I ever have trusted with all I am , told me in one day when he saw me crying : ” Madam , you trap yourself sometimes by thinking desire and need is love. Love is something far more fragile . Hold on too thightly , and it will crumble in your fingers. Hold it too loosely, and wind will blow it away and shatter it on the cold hard ground . Listen to the voice in your heart and you will know if it is time to let thet love to go away ….” ..

during Oral Sex What Women Really Think about

Act I

Okay, here we go! Mmmm, that feels good…

Wait—I wonder if I smell bad? I might…
When was my last shower? After the gym this morning. Right—
I really rocked those sit-ups.

Him: “I love doing this to you, baby.”

Me: “Mmmmm…yeah, don’t stop!”

Speaking of showers, I’ve got to pay my water bill.
I tried to put it on auto-payments last week, but I couldn’t find my checkbook.
And you need those numbers on the check for auto-pay.
I wonder how many bank accounts there are in America? If I owned a bank—

Sh*t! I’m lost in my head. His face is between my legs—concentrate!

Act II

Ouch, his stubble is grating on my skin. Maybe if I tip my hips to the left, it will make it better…
Should I tell him to lighten up?
He’ll probably get offended if I do, then he’ll stop.
I don’t want him to stop—I think. Just relax and try to enjoy it…

That stubble! It’s like grinding against sandpaper.

Does he even enjoy doing this, anyway?
Or is he just trying to be nice? My first boyfriend in high school was nice, only he had no idea how to have oral sex. We used to make out for hours…

God, it takes me so long to cum.

Act III

Him: “Does this feel good, baby?”

Me: “Uhhh—errrrr—”

Does this feel good? What does “good” even mean? Is it this? Have I ever actually enjoyed sex before?
Would it feel good for someone else? Is there something wrong with me? Should I be feeling something I’m not?

Me: “Ohh yeah, keep going!”

I wonder what’s on TV tonight. What am I missing?
What’s it like for other women? Why can’t I stop thinking and just relax?

I hope this will be over soon…

Act IV

Oh yeah, oh yeah, I’m close—!
Ohhhhhhh…and now it’s gone.

This is never going to happen. I missed that window, and now I’m nowhere near it. I hate that. Why does that happen?

Ugh, so frustrating. If he’d only stay in the same place and not move around so much…Maybe if I clench my hips, move a little to the right—focus!

He must be getting bored. It’s been like 20 minutes. We should just have sex. It takes me forever to cum.

This is never going to work. What’s wrong with me?!

~

Myth: Receiving oral sex is instant bliss for all women.

Truth: The conditions under which many of us have oral sex promote mental chatter in women. They limit relaxation, enjoyment, and pleasure and increase anxiety, pressure, and self-consciousness.

Many of us fear that it’s our bodies or our ability to orgasm that are the problems when it comes to sexual enjoyment. Neither of these are the real issue. It’s the set of hoops we try to make ourselves jump through during sex that inhibit our sexual fulfillment.

For many women, it is physiologically impossible to relax during oral sex because our minds are flooded with so many thoughts and expectations.

About what?

Everything from our last shower to an unresolved problem at work to whether we emptied the dishwasher or not.

here are some tips on how to change that:

1. Remove climax as the marker of successful oral sex. Nothing stops an orgasm in its tracks like the pressure to have one. Have you ever noticed that sometimes the harder you try to climax—the further away it gets? That’s because most women’s orgasms won’t happen under pressure or restrictions of any kind.

Instead, tell your partner you want to feel more pleasure and try something new. The next time you have oral sex, make an agreement that climax is not expected.

2. Ask for one small change. I know from working with thousands of couples that your partner wants you to feel good—really good. However, many of us don’t want to ask for anything in sex because we feel embarrassed or are worried we’ll hurt our partner’s feelings.

Start small. If you know one simple change will dramatically increase your enjoyment, try revealing that to your partner before oral sex starts. For example, a client recently told her husband, “I like it when your tongue is soft, instead of pointy.” Even after years of marriage, he had never known this about her. He softened his tongue, and she enjoyed oral sex more than she had in a long time.

3. Relax and just feel your body. Once I realized I didn’t truly like oral sex, I dedicated myself to learning to fully enjoy it. The first thing I realized was how much I was “doing” while he was going down on me. I was thinking about him, trying to “manage” it so it went well, moaning to cheer him on, and grinding my hips because I thought that was sexy. I was doing so much that I wasn’t actually able to feel my own body. And my body, I’ve learned, is where the pleasure is.

Experiment with doing less during oral sex. How much can you relax, like a pat of butter melting across the bed? What happens if you don’t try to force anything, and instead simply feel the sexual sensations in your own body?

Better i go to buy an ice cream ……..

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